A bossy massage is a clothed exercise that blends bodywork with consent practice. Inspired by Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent, it’s an exercise where you get to learn that you have a choice about how you are touched.

I have found Betty’s work to be so valuable that I wanted to offer it to my massage therapy clients.

Think of it as an invitation to tune into your body and speak what you want. It goes something like this:

• You stay fully clothed, and the session is non-sexual.

• The focus is on you asking for exactly how you want to be touched—whether that’s “scratch my head,” “press my shoulders,” or “hold my hand.”

• The practitioner (me, in your case) listens and responds honestly. Sometimes I’ll say yes, sometimes no, after checking in with me.

• The goal isn’t fancy massage technique, but the experience of tuning into your body, noticing what you want, and practicing asking for it.
  
  You’ll be gently guided to:
  
  ✅ Listen to your body
  ✅ Notice sensations
  ✅ Trust your intuition
  ✅ Exercise choice
  ✅ Give voice to truth
  ✅ Honor limits
  ✅ Feel met where you are

Afterwards, you get your regular 60-minute therapeutic massage.

Yes! You get to be as specific and creative as you like—within the container of clothed, non-sexual touch.

From there, I’ll check in with my own limits and let you know if I’m a “yes” to your request. Think of it as a two-way conversation in touch: you bring your curiosity, I bring my willingness, and together we keep it fun, safe, and respectful.

This is not about fancy techniques, It’s about noticing what you want, valuing it, knowing you have a choice, and practicing how to communicate that clearly.

Bossy Massage is a practice in living from a body that’s attuned to itself.

Many people find that after a Bossy Massage, they feel more comfortable in their own skin, which makes regular massage even deeper and more relaxing. It can also make it easier to tune in, speak up, and ask for what you need in other areas of life—because when we work with the body, the benefits ripple outward.

Bossy massage is for anyone who wants to grow their capacity to ask for what they truly want. The practice is touch-oriented, but the awareness carries into every area of life.

It’s especially eye-opening for the givers—the ones who don’t realize how depleted they are until they slow down enough to notice. It’s also for those who’ve stopped asking altogether, having resigned themselves to not receiving.

Over time, we can forget how to make simple requests that nourish us. This silence can turn into resentment, blame, or sudden blow-ups.

Bossy massage is an invitation to stop overriding your needs and start valuing yourself again. It’s a chance to remember that your requests matter—and to practice honoring them.

Each person’s experience is unique—you get to explore it and decide how to use the new awareness.

Some people say they’re able to relax more deeply and enjoy regular massage afterwards in a whole new way.

Others are surprised by what comes up. It can be satisfying, fun, and trust-building to ask for what you want and receive it. At times it can also feel challenging and reveal unconscious patterns or emotions that you can tend to and learn more about yourself.

This work can bring up a lot… because…

Have you ever gone along with something you didn’t want to?

Or you felt uncomfortable, but you didn’t know how to speak up?

I have, and so has everybody else. Well a bossy massage is that antidote to that.